Weekend Update with Norm Macdonald

I have a difficult decision to make today. Do I give my adoring fans the direct, factual, Lloyd Robertson news of my weekend adventures or do I give you an interesting one with perhaps a dash of falsery. As an artist do I not have a responsibility to keep my audience amused? But as a public figure I also feel that I must not mislead my followers. Holy conundrum Batman! How about I just write you a quick synopsis of my weekend and then you can decide for yourselves? Good.

Friday night we had poker at our place. Friday night is almost always poker night and it gives us westerners a bit of the gambling fix we can't otherwise get here. Well, being the great host that I am, I decided to bow out early so that I could serve refreshments to my newly acquired mates (pocket aces and lost; F*#K). After about 2 hours and finally a black dude from Virginia named Bakki bowed out gracefully. So I says "Bakki, you wanna go get into some trouble"? I've never seen anybody finish their drink so fast. Bakki likey trouble! It just so happens there is a great club around the corner from my apartment called 102. Long story short; we grinded with beautiful Korean girls all night and not only did the Korean guys not get mad and kick our asses, they were loving it!

So I get back to my apartment at around 5:30am (Korean bars stop serving at 5am) and crap, I forgot my key and the door is locked. I figured John must be sleeping so I was banging on the door quite hard. What I didn't realize is that our door was covered with very thick glass. I say "was" because I put my hand through the glass and slices my hand up pretty good. It bled almost instantly and all over the place. Still no John so I was banging harder because now I require medical attention. All of a sudden the Pimp and one of his Hoes from the "Escort Parlour" 2 floors beneath us (they are super common in Korea) come screaming up the stairs. Then they saw all the blood on the floor and I swear the escort almost fainted. So the Pimp runs back downstairs and I'm thinking "crap he's going to call the police". Dude comes back with a first aid kit and right there and then that Pimp gave me some first-rate medical assistance. That Pimp really knows how to handle a gash!

Well about the time that I am receiving this medical attention, John comes strolling up the stairs (6am at this point). I ask him where the hell he's been, he says playing Playstation at one of the PC bars. We clean up some of the glass and most of the blood and I call my boss to figure out what to do as I have no medical insurance yet. He says no matter because the hospitals don't open until 9am. So I go to sleep and have weird dreams all night. I woke up Saturday and I tell you my hand had improved 1000%. That Pimp really did do one hell of a job. I went downstairs to thank him and his employee. They loved it!

Saturday night I bowled. Scored 130ish. Didn't cut myself.

Sunday I skyped people all day. Talked to a few people. Didn't cut myself.

I will be flying to Japan tomorrow for a couple of days so that they can process my Visa. I will be back with what promises to be a super interesting blog on Thursday. Sianara,

Lloyd