Seoul Searching

Saturday afternoon my friend Erin gives me a call and asks me if I want to go to Seoul for the Sexpo (an international expo on sex). I told her that even though I am a very reserved fellow and that the sexpo might twist my otherwise angelic mind, that I would put my inhibitions away and try to enjoy myself. So we met up with our friend Bakki and set out in search of sex toys and strip shows.

We got to Seoul in approximately 41 minutes as we took the bullet train. Oh look, we only hit 298km per hour along the way. I try to re-enter the earthly confines of inertiatic forces and we hop in a cab set for the Seoul Conference Centre. After about 30 minutes in said cab we were startintg to get a little worried that he might be taking us to show us his apartment rather than the conference centre. As Bakki dates a Korean girl and knows a bit of Korean he partially understood that the driver was taking us to CoEx. We ask to get let out on a random corner on a random street in a random district of a city of 10 million people. I was pretty excited! How else could I get a chance to have a totally random walk in a city like Seoul.

We passed quite a few really nice restaurants and saw more BMWs and Mercedes-Benzes than I thought possible. We came to the conclusion that if we were to be perpetually lost in this dong (neighborhood), then at least we could survive as Squigee Kids for the rich folk. We then came upon some Korean dudes who were speaking English and asked them if we were even in the same area code as the Conference Centre. As it turns out CoEx is a moniker of the Seoul Conference Centre. To our delight it turned out that we were but a mere skipping stone's throw from the CoEx. We arrived in minutes and ran into the CoEx with a certain enthusiasm that could only be described as childish and immature. I love naughty things! Only one problem; not even a naughty stocking was to be found within the CoEx. After chatting with some security guards we were less than delighted to find out that the Sexpo was moved to a different Venue across town due to some persuasive feminist groups. Something about Playboy bunnies doing stripshows only showing a man's point of view of sex or something.

As we didn't have enough time to drive across the world again to make it in time to watch the Sexpo close for the night, we did the next best thing and went to a nightclub. Mistake number 2. We paid 20 bucks to get into this club called Harlem and I think there were more americans in the club than there are in... well, Harlem. There were about 10 American GIs for every 1 girl. The place absolutely reeked of sausage and to boot i couldn't find Erin or Bakki anywhere. I left the club and texted Erin and Bakki and told them I was outski. Erin texted me back in about 30 seconds and said she wanted to leave too. Turns out getting continually groped by American dudes 101 wasn't what she signed up for during registration. As it was now about 1:30am we decided to try and catch the last train to Daegu for the night. No Dice!

What ended up happening was that Erin accompanied me to one of Seoul's finest love motels for the night. This place was dirtier than a Bob Sagat stan-up special. We survived by the skin of our teeth and beelined it back to Cheonan the next morning. From Sexpo to sleeping at the Sexpo Inn, this Saturday night better not be a sign of future trips to Seoul.That's all I got to say about that!