Blogs, Blogs, Blogs... Which are good, Which are bad?

Remember when having a CD player made you the coolest kid on the block? Remember when you were the first person in your school to have Reebok pumps or Air Jordans? Well, if you do, then you were probably a rich spoiled brat and noone really liked you! My point is that when you are a pioneer of some sort of new fashion or technological phenomenon, you feel like your life has somehow been validated. Well, Iris Dias, your life has just been validated!

You see, Iris was the first of my friends to have a blogspot in which to chronicle her day-to-day musings in the Big Apple. It made great sense; set up a diary on the world wide web so that all of your friends could share your experiences with you, without the hassle of you having to send out a trillion emails. It just made sense then that I would also set up a blogspot in which to chronicle my adventures here in Korea.

Since then many of my friends have read mine or blog of someone else's and have took it upon themselves to join the rank of people who spend more time chronicling their lives then actually living them. Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that everyone back home can read my blog and share in my adventure. It's just that with every new blog that arises, I have to devote more time to reading all of my friends' blogs and writing in my own, and less time getting into enough trouble to contribute something bloggable. And sometimes I feel like I have to go out and do something crazy so that I can blog it so that I don't disappoint the people who devote their time to reading my blog. So much pressure.

So here is my promise to all of my fellow bloggers: I will only blog if it is interesting, thought provoking, or just plain funny stuff! In turn, if I log onto one of your blogspots to find you sharing the tale of how you lost one of your socks in the dryer (how cliche), then I will put you on a timeout.

P.S. I actually really like all of your blogspots. This is just a pre-emptive strike to everybody who wants to have a blogspot just because their buddy has one.

P.P.S. I promise that this will be my one and only anti-blogspot post.

Ronnie

Lost in Translation

So I go to get a haircut today with my buddy Seth and while we are sitting across from each other he says "Why don't you get some highlights put in, they're really cheap". Now how can you argue with that? So I say "Highlighte" in my most convincing LKorean voice to the hairdresser and she brings me the universal photo book with all the different hair styles.

So I picked out a cross between "Frosted" and "Streaked" and she goes to work on my doo. 45 minutes later she washes my hair and shows me my new head of hair. Something got mixed up between me pointing at the picture and her taking off the towel. Apparently "highlights" are the same as "bleach blonde" on 95%m of your hair. As if I don't stick out enough already, I've got to look like an albino in Korea.

So if you are looking for a laugh, check out my flicker site in the next couple of weeks. You may just be able to spot the albino in the picture. For those of you who don't know the address, check my last post. I will also be posting some really good pics of me and some of the other foreign teachers out on the town.

So I'm going for the 3-peat tonight in the Cheonan Massiive Pool Tournament. I'll lret you know how that turns out.

So... goodbye

SoCool

Pics

I've uploaded more pictures to my flicker account. You can check out these pics at http://www.flickr.com/photos/ronniea/.

Also, if anyone wants to check out some pics from my amazing pool victories, you can go to http://www.cheonan.blogspot.com/ and go under the Pool Night Homepage.

Any further questions or requests can be directed or forwarded to my agent.

P.S. I am also available for autograph sessions for a nominal fee.

Shooter McRonniePants

Successful Defense?

As per my last blog, we are now all acutely aware of my inept offensive skills. One need wonder, then, if my defensive skills have followed suit. I was afforded a great opportunity to put this question to the test last night as I was thrust into battle to try and successfully defend my Cheonan Massiive Pool Tournament trophy. Let me set the stage for you; EVERYBODY showed up to see what all the hype about this new kid on the block was about. Players who hadn't been seen around the hall for some time came out to try and prove their worth. They even flew in a ringer from England to try and strip me of the coveted prize. The details of my struggle to retain the hardcware are as follows:

The first match had me pitted against an on-again off-again champion who had recently experienced some huge success at the tourney. It was a ploy to try and shake my very foundations as regularly the first round is just a formality. Justin took me far, almost all the way, but in the end my resolve was strong and my cue steady. My next opponent was a wild card named Sam who had also won the tournament a bunch of times but who at present was not at his best. As all series beyond the first round are a best-of-three, I needed to beat hi m twice to move on. The first game was probably my worst game of pool to date in Korea, but I won with a bit of help from lady luck. The next game I vowed to improve upon my shoddy performance in the first game, but i did not even get a chance to shoot... Sam potted the 8-ball in the wrong pocket.

The semis would prove to be the defining moment in my very short but illustrious tornament career. I had drawn Mr. Champion, Mr. Masters Winner, widely recognized as the best pool player in Cheonan. Consequently, also the only guy to beat me in the first round in Cheonan. Alan is his name, and disgracing pretenders to the throne is his game. The first game was a washout and I was officialy embarassed in front of all of my fans. I was left with 3 balls on the table (a clear indication of being outclassed). Steady Ronnie, you can do this, just believe in yourself, may the force be with you, and so on. I stepped up to the table and what proceeded was what can only be called a "Major Schooling" of one sir Alan. After the dust had settled he had been 7-balled (had 7 balls left on the table). Coincidentaly, he later told me that he hadn't been 7-balled in about a decade. His resolve was equal to my own though, and in the next game Alan came out of the gates like a bat out of hell and before I knew I was on the verge of being 7-balled myself. My big break came when he missed the 8 ball. I took a moment to gather a game plan and I suddenly realized that everyone had gathered around to watch this amazing display of poolery. Breathe in, breathe out, remember your training, and everything will work out just fine. I then did the unthinkable and potted all 7 of my balls and left perfect shape for the 8. My whole life had been leading up to this moment and this was only the semi-final. I drew in a deep breath, narrowed my vkision on my black beuaty and let all hell break loose. Victory,Victory, Pandemonium, the crowd goes wild (not really but it adds a little drama). By far the best matchup in any game or sport I have ever been a part of. It was like I was plkaying against a version of me from a different dimension. 3 games and maybe 4 turns apiece throughout the whole of the series.

And who had surpassed the other semifinal to claim a spot in Cheonan lore forever and beyond. None other than the ringer from The U.K. named Stephen ( actually he is Alan's buddy visiting for a couple of weeks). Let me spare you the gruesome details, the trophy is still sitting on my mantle. That's right folks, Ronnie is once again the lord of all creation, the be all to end all of the pool greats... right?

Long story short we all went out got really drunk at the adjacent bar and stayed out until 5am and got uber drunk. Oh, and I think I kissed a dude. Just another day at the office.

Roll the Rack Ronnie
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Just another White Dude

Before I came to Korea I was told by many of my "worldly" friends that I would be a very hot commodity in South Korea and that all of the Korean women would swoon at my feet with hopes of coming back to Canada with me. Well, I am here to dismiss that notion in anyone's mind who thinks that I am scoring nightly with hot Korean women. I'm not!

Now there could be various reasons for such a lack of Korean female adoration slung my way. I have already dismissed the possibility that I am hugely unattractive to the opposite sex. I reviewed my past sex life and although it is not what you'd call legendary, I wasn't unsuccessful with the ladies. There must be another reason why I've been delivered this blow to my ego. Could it be that I have not been completely single for many years and that has caused my libido to be about as effective at scoring as the Oakland Raiders (sorry Iris but it's true)? Could be but I never forgot how to dance and the last time I checked, ladies are supposed to like it when a guy can dance.

Take Saturday night for example. I went out to an awesome club with some other foreigners and I go up to this good looking Korean girl. She speaks English; SCORE! We talk, we dance, she comes and dances with my friends and we exchange a little grindage. Back home that alone at least gets me a phone number. Then all of a sudden she disappears. No big deal, more time to chat with friends. I go for a little dance and I'm moving through the crowd and she's way off in the distance dancing by herself. So I go up and start talking to her again and she just walks away. I could understand if I was being a pervert but I totally wasn't. The only other possibility is that it's not me but it is them. I've been told that most Korean girls are as conservative as an Albertan farmer. Ok bad analogy but I had to throw a little something in for my peeps back home. What this means is that Korean girls will not just go home with a dude. Fine by me but how about a dance and a chat?

To add to my dismay is the fact that there are no and I mean NO good looking foreign girls in my city of 60-80 foreign teachers. I know at least 25 of the 40 or so female teachers and there is only 1 I've met so far that is good looking and she smokes like 50 packs of smokes a day. This coupled with my lack of success finding a Korean girl that both understands what I am saying to her and isn't repulsed by me has this guy feeling pretty sorry for himself. I didn't choose this celibate life, it was merely thrust upon me. Oh well, I guess I could always read a book.

Mr. Lonely

You're the Best Around, and nothins ever gonna take you down.

That was the tune playing in my head when I finally won the Cheonan Massive Pool Tournament on Wednesday night. For those not familiar with this Karate Kid Soundtrack Epic, it is the anthem for the movie that depicts the story of an underdog who rises to glory with the help of the hard-ass heart-of-gold sensei. Although I am by no means an underdog and I didn't get any help from a bitter old Asian man, I would say that I am definitely a Macchio, Macchio Man.

I am writing this blog entry from work right now even though it is 10:30 pm and I got to work at 10am this morning. We are having an overnight camp at the school where I work and so I am pulling an obligatory 24 hour shift thank you very much. It was actually pretty cool because the other two teachers and I planned this whole ghost story that turned into a whole theme night and the kids are really digging it. They are getting ready for bed so I slipped away to write my blog. Call it a serious devotion to my blog fans.

I will post the pictures from my tournament celebration and from the theme night at Kid's College on my flicker site. I gotta go watch a Disney flick with the kiddies. Blog ya later,

Ronnie

A Day In The Life Of...

After almost a month and a half of living in Korea, I have finally settled into a nice routine here in Cheonan. Say what you want about spontanaiety and living everyday to the fullest, but in a land where everything is unfamiliar it is nice to have certain days to look forward to. It is like having a friend that you can depend on when you are in a pinch. When I get a little down or lonely, I know that I will always have poker night to look forward to. Without further adieu, here is my rock steady schedule here in Cheonan.

On Monday the work week begins. As most of my co-workers are still recovering from the weekend, the teachers room during breaks and lunch hour tend to be a little quieter than most other days. We still don't have a theme night for Monday, although we sometimes go bowling right by my house. I hate Mondays!

On Tuesday people are usually fully rested from the weekend, but are still not very happy as the mere thought of 4 more work days frightens them. Tuesday nights are usually the tamest nights of all as the foreign teachers are resting up for what is to come.

On Wednesday my co-workers and I are very excited as we are looking forward to Wednesday night which just happens to be pool night. We always have a tournament and there are some pretty good pool players at this tournament. Each week I reach the final or the semi-final but I have yet to win a tourney. But don't worry sports fans, I'll bring home the title soon enough. Wednesday is also pretty awesome for me as I have just joined my bosse's soccer team. Call it networking or call it trying to work off my gut. Either way it is fun as hell, except that I sprained my foot this week scoring a wicked goal. My team won 6-2 and I scored 2 and set up 2 more. Do you think I could be an honourary Old Boy Shadi?

On Thursday the mood in the staff room is kind of one of indifference. Most of the teachers (6 including me) are tired from the work week but are also looking ahead to the weekend slightly. Thursday nights I go to Korean class so that I can actually understand what the old Korean men are yelling at me. So far I have had one class and I can ask for fruit in Korean like a pro.

Fridays around these parts are like the second coming of the christ. Nobody actually believes that it will happen and when it does they rejoice in song and dance. Not only is it the end of the work week but it is poker night which is a huge draw around these parts. We always have poker night at my place on account of it's huge and right downtown. I will post pictures of the last tourney on my flicker site. This past Friday we had 11 players and at least 6 or 7 spectators. Like pool, I am always in the thick of things but I have never actually won a tourney yet. Oh yeah, we almost always go to a bar after poker and stay out drinking until 6am. Bars are open until 9am here and we almost always leave the bar when it is light out.

Saturday is a recuperating day. Saturdays usually enttitle laying around in a pool of you own filthy drunkeness until about 2 or 3 in the afternoon whereupon one will drag their ass out of bed and crawl to the nearest Western-style fast food joint to grab some hangover grease. One will then ingest the grease and usually head back to bed to rest up for the night time activity. That night time activity is usually drinking at a bar. This week most of the foreigners went to a new bar called Coyote Ugly. I would have gone except that I am sick as a dog and I spent the whole day and night in bed watching season one of Arrested Development on my laptop. So the day wasn't a total waste.

Sunday is again a recuperating day, but also a cultural day for me and my friends. There have been talks of a hike on an upcoming Sunday, but as of yet noone has gotten out of bed before 1pm. We also play basketball against a team of Korean guys on Sundays at 4:30pm on the other side of town. It is usually really competitive and to be honest those Korean guys can really ball! I will not play today on account of my sprained foot and my illness. Maybe I will go and be a cheerleader.

Which brings us back to Monday. God I hate Mondays! Oh well only 10 months, 3weeks and 11 hours to go before I come back to my favourite city in the world. I'll be counting down, I hope you will too.

Ronnie

Seoul Searching

Saturday afternoon my friend Erin gives me a call and asks me if I want to go to Seoul for the Sexpo (an international expo on sex). I told her that even though I am a very reserved fellow and that the sexpo might twist my otherwise angelic mind, that I would put my inhibitions away and try to enjoy myself. So we met up with our friend Bakki and set out in search of sex toys and strip shows.

We got to Seoul in approximately 41 minutes as we took the bullet train. Oh look, we only hit 298km per hour along the way. I try to re-enter the earthly confines of inertiatic forces and we hop in a cab set for the Seoul Conference Centre. After about 30 minutes in said cab we were startintg to get a little worried that he might be taking us to show us his apartment rather than the conference centre. As Bakki dates a Korean girl and knows a bit of Korean he partially understood that the driver was taking us to CoEx. We ask to get let out on a random corner on a random street in a random district of a city of 10 million people. I was pretty excited! How else could I get a chance to have a totally random walk in a city like Seoul.

We passed quite a few really nice restaurants and saw more BMWs and Mercedes-Benzes than I thought possible. We came to the conclusion that if we were to be perpetually lost in this dong (neighborhood), then at least we could survive as Squigee Kids for the rich folk. We then came upon some Korean dudes who were speaking English and asked them if we were even in the same area code as the Conference Centre. As it turns out CoEx is a moniker of the Seoul Conference Centre. To our delight it turned out that we were but a mere skipping stone's throw from the CoEx. We arrived in minutes and ran into the CoEx with a certain enthusiasm that could only be described as childish and immature. I love naughty things! Only one problem; not even a naughty stocking was to be found within the CoEx. After chatting with some security guards we were less than delighted to find out that the Sexpo was moved to a different Venue across town due to some persuasive feminist groups. Something about Playboy bunnies doing stripshows only showing a man's point of view of sex or something.

As we didn't have enough time to drive across the world again to make it in time to watch the Sexpo close for the night, we did the next best thing and went to a nightclub. Mistake number 2. We paid 20 bucks to get into this club called Harlem and I think there were more americans in the club than there are in... well, Harlem. There were about 10 American GIs for every 1 girl. The place absolutely reeked of sausage and to boot i couldn't find Erin or Bakki anywhere. I left the club and texted Erin and Bakki and told them I was outski. Erin texted me back in about 30 seconds and said she wanted to leave too. Turns out getting continually groped by American dudes 101 wasn't what she signed up for during registration. As it was now about 1:30am we decided to try and catch the last train to Daegu for the night. No Dice!

What ended up happening was that Erin accompanied me to one of Seoul's finest love motels for the night. This place was dirtier than a Bob Sagat stan-up special. We survived by the skin of our teeth and beelined it back to Cheonan the next morning. From Sexpo to sleeping at the Sexpo Inn, this Saturday night better not be a sign of future trips to Seoul.That's all I got to say about that!

Arrigagto (Part Deux)

After downloading my pictures to my flicker site, I realized that I almost skipped the most interesting part of my trip to Japan. As we were inside the Korean Consulate, three big Japanese Army Vans slowly strolled down the street and one of the officers was yelling through a bull horn at us in Japanese. I went outside to take pictures like a good westerner should and a woman came running and screaming towards me telling me to run inside. Of course nothing happened, but between you and me, I'm pretty sure I'm the bravest person I know. Apparently, tensions between Japan and Korea have been extra volatile since the Japanese President's trip to the War Memorial.

So we made friends with a couple from Halifax, a dude from Cape Breton, a dude from the States, and a fellow Albertan from Medicine Hat. We started off the night at 6:30pm when we decided to find a good sushi restaurant. We walked forever before we found a nice little place that had a comfy little booth upstairs. We obviously coulkdn't read the menu so we used the point and order method. We had 3 medium sized platters of sushi and 3 bottles of Sakki between 6 of us. The Sakki was awesome, but the sushi was a bit disappointing except for the Eel which was probably the best piece of sushi I've ever had.

After the restaurant we went back to the hotel to meet another foreigner. While I was there I asked one of the Front desk girls named Yuki to come and meet us after she was done work. We went down the street to this Jazz bar and sat down to some of the best service I've ever received. First of all our bartender had one sweet-ass porno m,oustache and he was wearing a Hawaiin shirt. I'm sure he was related to Tom Selleck somehow. Second of all, we drank scotch and Sakki out of Texas Mickey sized bottles and he left the bottles in front of us to pour our own drinks. I should also mention that we were pouring him drinks too (it was the least we could do).

Around 10ish guess who shows up; Yuki the girl from the hotel. At this point I've alread had more game with Japanese girls than I've had with Korean girls. After imbibing copious amounts of livations (getting drunk)at the Jazz bar, we went to a club for more drinks and dancing. Long story short; drinks, drinks, darts, and a walk through the pouring rain to the train station to say goodbye to Yuki. Afterwards, stumblking through the streets of Osaka whispering sweet nothings into the ears of so many beautiful Japanese ladies.

Next Day: Hangover city and I'm the mayor. We're talking full blown life-hating hangover. The good news was we had to check out of the hotel at 10 am and our flight back home was at 5:30pm. I got to walk around 127% Humidity Osaka weather carrying my backpack. Good news is I got a lot of really cool pics. You can check them out on my flicker site at www.flickr.com/photos/ronniea. Gotta go, still hungover.